WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
