I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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