if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
