brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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