we made out on top of his cat.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
