He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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