Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
