You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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