the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
