she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
