chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
