I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
