I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
