Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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