Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I AM VODKA MAN
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
