Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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