Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
