I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they need to just BURY HIM!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
