He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
