these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i will never coherently bang her
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
