Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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