The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
