your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
