doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
