Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
