Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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