Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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