what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
