I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
