Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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