I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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