I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
