I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
