you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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