Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
