dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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