did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
never play flip cup with pint glasses
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize