she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
