She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
