WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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