Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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