He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did I show you my penis last night?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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