So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
