After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
