nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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