Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
