I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
