doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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