It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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