I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
