Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
