Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
