Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
