I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
