Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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