I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
try to milk me bitch
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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