i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
