oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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