maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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