you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
