I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
