mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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