I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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