Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
wow bdsm is so cute
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
