Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
please don't ironically join a cult
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