fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
