the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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