Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
