and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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