My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
